Birthdays

On March 17th I turned 33 years old, this is crazy to me. I cannot believe how quickly time has passed. I am a mom with three children. I have been married to my husband for over 10 years and been in the teaching profession for 8. How did life speed by so quickly? Growing up if you asked me where I would be at 33, I could never have imagined the life I have. Teaching, a hubby and kids would definitely been in my mind, but all the other bumps and curves would not have come up in my wildest dreams. Just goes to show you that God has the plan and all you can do is live and follow HIS plan. Tonight I am missing Rob and Luke as Luke is in the hospital, yet again. I honestly feel I have aged 10 years since hitting that 30 mark and having Luke. But I am strangely at peace with my life. I hit a breaking point today and had a good cry, then I saw a facebook update that encouraged me. This brings me back to how blessed I really am. Luke is recovering and should be home in a few days and despite the exhaustion Rob and I are used to the routine. We have soooooooo many people that lift us up and encourage us daily. I never would have dreamed at 33 I would know Loma Linda inside and out, I also never could have dreamed up the incredible people that surround me. So for those that pray and encourage me daily, thank you!! I pray that 33 will be a less stressful year, although not starting out great since Luke was hospitalized the day after my birthday :). But, mostly I pray God continues to give me peace with the life HE has given me. I can honestly say LIFE IS NEVER BORING!!!!!!

Jake

What do I say about my boy? He is incredible and I love him so much. Times have been tough lately. His behavior has continued to spiral and he is extremely aggressive and physical. Lashing out is a daily occurrence and it often results in him hurting himself or those around him (often times me). I used to think I was a pretty strong person, but lately Jake brings me to tears daily. People around me tell me it is because he loves me so much or he doesn't know what he is doing. They make excuses for him and me. All of this has me questioning everything. Am I disciplining him too hard, am I being to soft, does he know how much I love him, is he ever really happy, what will tomorrow bring? The uncertainty of his behavior scares me almost as much as the uncertainty of Luke's seizures. Dealing with the physical is so much easier than dealing with the mental. As we continue to play with medications and figure out how to help my incredible boy Rob and I have to make decisions and we never know if they are the right ones. I keep being told over and over again to not take it to heart, and I do know that despite what he says, Jake does love me. I also know that he is a scared little boy who has more going on in his brain than any little boy should have. In his short 6 years Jake has lived a lifetime of ups and down whether for himself or his brother and sister. We will get through this and God will have made us all stronger because of it. Surprisingly as his behavior has gotten worse he has been doing better in school. His teacher is amazed at how much more he is talking and retaining. For this I am grateful and proud. I love him so much and all I ever want is happiness and peace for my extraordinary boy. Nobody ever said parenting was easy :).

Opening Ceremonies

I remember playing softball as a young girl. I only played a couple seasons, but always loved the competitiveness of it. Ry also seems to like it, but my girl is simply there to have fun. This is her second season playing and she has improved greatly. We did decide to keep her on the 8U teams because she still has a lot to learn. The fun thing is that Hannah is playing in Orangecrest this year as well. She is playing on the 10U team and holding her own. I am glad we decided to hold Ry back one more season so she could get more experience. Today was opening day and Ry and Hannah ended up playing at the same time. Sadly, Lu is sick again so he stayed home with Grandma Grandia and we took Jake to the field. Rob helps out with the team, which leaves me to handle Jake on my own. All I can say is thank God for family and friends. I really am Jake's least favorite person in the world, so he would rather be with anyone than me. Today all he wanted was Auntie and it really does take a village to watch a softball game. He kept going back and forth between the two field and who he wanted to be with. My sis, mom, dad and friend Theresa kept him well taken care of. I really am so fortunate to have such incredible people to help with my children. We are not like "normal" families where a day at the field is fun and easy. The thought of battling Jake for an hour and forty minutes is torture, but what needs to be done. Today ended up being a really good day and Lu did really well at home with Donna as well. I really am so thankful and humbled by the people in my life. Oh and Ry had a great day going 3 for 3 at bat. Mommy is still a little competitive.

My Sweet Girl

Me and my girls, Hannah and Rylee
I can not believe that my daughter is turning 9 tomorrow. She is such a bright, ray of sunshine. I am not sure why God decided to bless me with her, but I am grateful. All Ry has been through, all she puts up with and she continues to amaze me everyday. My prayer is that Rylee will always know what an incredible individual she is and how she makes those around her better. I pray that no matter what, she follows all those amazing dreams and that her love of life never waivers. Thank you God for allowing me to be her mom. I love you Ry more than I ever thought possible.