Jake

What do I say about my boy? He is incredible and I love him so much. Times have been tough lately. His behavior has continued to spiral and he is extremely aggressive and physical. Lashing out is a daily occurrence and it often results in him hurting himself or those around him (often times me). I used to think I was a pretty strong person, but lately Jake brings me to tears daily. People around me tell me it is because he loves me so much or he doesn't know what he is doing. They make excuses for him and me. All of this has me questioning everything. Am I disciplining him too hard, am I being to soft, does he know how much I love him, is he ever really happy, what will tomorrow bring? The uncertainty of his behavior scares me almost as much as the uncertainty of Luke's seizures. Dealing with the physical is so much easier than dealing with the mental. As we continue to play with medications and figure out how to help my incredible boy Rob and I have to make decisions and we never know if they are the right ones. I keep being told over and over again to not take it to heart, and I do know that despite what he says, Jake does love me. I also know that he is a scared little boy who has more going on in his brain than any little boy should have. In his short 6 years Jake has lived a lifetime of ups and down whether for himself or his brother and sister. We will get through this and God will have made us all stronger because of it. Surprisingly as his behavior has gotten worse he has been doing better in school. His teacher is amazed at how much more he is talking and retaining. For this I am grateful and proud. I love him so much and all I ever want is happiness and peace for my extraordinary boy. Nobody ever said parenting was easy :).