Time Flies

It is now July, and I can not believe the last blog entry I did was in January. Life flies by so quickly, it is hard to stop and catch up. A few things have weighed heavy on my mind and heart lately and I thought I should make an attempt t0 update our life.

First of all there is Ry, my girl who wants to grow up way to fast. She overwhelms me with her ability to jump from one thing to the next. She is so much like me at her age, but with an accelerated engine. It is so hard for her to stop and enjoy what she has right now. Her mind is always jumping to what comes next and it leaves her and us unsettled. We have decided to talk to a counselor to give Rob and I some guidance and hopefully help boost Ry's confidence.

Next, there is Jake who seems to be doing better emotionally, but then the seizures have been back. A year ago my boy isolated himself and was always angry. He did not want to give hugs and if I asked him to sit by me, he would just grunt at me. I would cry because I missed my boy and had no idea how to help him. In the last year, I am not sure what or when it changed, but Jake has done a complet 180. He loves to cuddle and hold my hand, hugs and kisses come easily and he loves to just be with us. He still has the angry outbursts and violent tendancies, but he gives me hope that he may one day function in today's society. We did just get a behaviorist approved and hope that she will help give us some techniques on how to better manage Jake's behavior and ultimately help us with all three kids. He also has started having seizures again this summer, which is always frusterating. We have upped one of his seizure medications and really pray that they are back under control before his school year begins.

Last, but not least, is my boy Luke. We have been trying for months to get him evaluated at UCLA to see if he is a good canidate for surgery. Despite the fact that his seizures are the best they have ever been, he still averages about 10 a week and they are hard. The thought of surgery scares me to death, but we are running out of options. At 4 years old we have tried almost every seizure medication on the market and he still has a lot of living. We were supposed to be admitted to UCLA on Monday, but it got pushed back another week. I am PRAYING it goes through this time since I have to go back to work August 1st. I know I may have to take off work if Lu has surgery, so I really do not want to have to take off for the testing.

Lately, I have just been in a place where I am tired of keeping up with life. I am not unhappy by any means. I adore my hubby and kids, I just wish life could be simpler. With work and juggling the three kids and their three very different issues, I can get overwhelmed. Often times I wonder if I am a good enough mom, wife and teacher. It is hard to give 100% in all three areas and I am afraid I fall short more often than not. I am thankful that God has a plan. I believe with all my heart that God gave us our life for a reason and He has a plan for us to follow. The daily struggle is, am I following what God had in mind? My prayer is that I am making the difference God intended in me this life.