LA Zoo

Lately, Jake has been obsessed with the zoo, asking to go numerous times daily.  This is always tricky, because  we never know if going will appease him, or set him off more.  Because of the long weekend we decided to head to the LA Zoo and see if that would make him happy.  Just the drive there was difficult, with him nagging Ry and Ry getting frustrated and annoyed.  Getting there, he was excited and we spent a couple successful hours looking at all the animals.  It began getting hot and crowded, causing Jake to be become more and more agitated, making it difficult for Rob and I to contain him and keep an eye on Luke and Ry.  It was definitely time to go.  We decided to tell him we would eat lunch when we left, that way he would leave without giving us too much trouble.  The problem was, we waited too long.  By the time we got to the car, out of the parking lot and began looking for a place to eat, he was done.  Rob ran into Togos to get us sandwiches and Jake flipped out.  He decided he wanted to go get chicken for Luke and himself, climbed into the front seat and proceeded to attack me for the keys.  He was going to drive us to get chicken and I wasn't going to stop him.  I got pinched, grabbed, scratched and slapped all in the 15 minutes it took Rob to go in and get lunch.  Then when Rob came out with the food Jake grabbed Ry because she was handing Luke his tuna, and Jake wanted him to have chicken.  The result was both Ry and I in tears, me driving and Rob sitting in the back between the boys for protection. 

Jake eventually calmed down and by the time we got home, he was good.  The rest of the day has been pretty uneventful with naps, working in the yard and now getting ready for movie night.  Sadly, the desire for normalcy really hits me on days like today.  Why can't it be easy, why can't we just go and have a good day as a family, why are there always scratching, biting and tears involved.  Then I just get mad at myself, why can't I be stronger and keep it together better? Why can't I be a better example?  I know it could be worse and I have no right for my pity parties, but they happen.  The goal it to let it go, move on and not allow the frustration and pain (both physical and mental) eat at me.  Tomorrow is another day and right now the house it quiet, both reasons to celebrate.  This is my life, Tuberous Sclerosis, seizures, autism, behavior issues and the lack of normalcy is not going away.  I will continue to take one day at a time, be grateful for the daily blessings and pray that I am following the plan that God has laid out for my life.